The Eagle (1925)

Country: USA

Released: November 8th, 1925

Genre: Drama, Romance

Directed by: Clarence Brown

Produced by: John W. Cosidine Jr.

Written by: Hans Kraly

See that poster right up there? You see how the name "Valentino" is the biggest word on that poster, even bigger than the movie title itself? That's because Rudolph Valentino was kind of a big deal. For the uninitiated, Rudolph, full name Rodolfo Alfonso Raffaello Pierre Filibert Guglielmi di Valentina d'Antonguolla, was Hollywood's first sex symbol. Just to be clear though, when I say he was a sex symbol I mean that as far as the public was concerned he made Marilyn Monroe look like Susan Boyle. Hyperbole aside though the man was a legend. He pretty much cemented the whole "Latin Lover" trope in popular culture and if there was ever a guy who best embodied the phrase "women wanted him, men wanted to be him" it was Valentino, who was reported to receive hundreds of letters a day from ravenous female fans. The man is credited with starting the tango craze in America after he danced it in one of his movies. The guy was so sexy in fact, one quote from one of his fans of the time was described him as "triumphantly seductive. Puts the love-making of the average husband or sweetheart into discard as tame, flat, and unimpassioned."

Hot damn, that sounds like a hell of a lover.

I only wish his movies were just as good as his looks.

The Eagle is about a Russian Cossack named Vladimir Dubrovsky (Valentino) who's love for Russia is only second to love of stupid hats. He is approached by the Czarina Catherine the Second (Louisse Dresser), a thirsty MILF who's looking for some sweet, sweet Cossack action. Vladimir refuses her advances and she declares him a traitor, putting a bounty on his head and forcing him to flee to his old village. Once there he finds out that his father, a nameless putz who's sole purpose in life was to die for the plot, has died for the plot. Vladimir swears revenge on the man who killed him, Kyrilla Troekouroff (James A. Marcus). He dons a mask and the name "Black Eagle" in a sort of Russian mashup of Zorro and Robin Hood. After some good ol' banditry he infiltrates his enemy's palace by impersonating a French tutor. There he falls in love with Kryllia's daughter, the lovely Mascha Troekouroff (Vilma Bánky). He is eventually found out, brought to the Czarina, and sent to be executed. The Czarina has a change of heart though and gives him a new French identity, letting him and his new wife Mascha (oh right, they get married the night before the execution) to escape to Paris where they presumably live happily ever after. Or maybe they're eaten by wolves on the way there, I don't know I didn't write the screenplay.

If I had to pick one word to describe The Eagle is would probably be "generic," followed very closely by "forgettable." Maybe it's presumptuous of me to say so but I'm starting to notice a bit of a pattern with many of these movies: LOVE STORY(!) in an exotic location or historical time period pretty much sums them all up. Oh, and don't forget that it helps if at least one of the love interests is rich. Say what you will about Stachka (it was too abstract, too preachy, too lenient on capitalist pigs) but at least it was something original. I don't think I've ever seen a cow get slaughtered on screen before and, while horrifying, at least it wasn't another fucking romantic comedy starring Jennifer Aniston or whatever. Look my point is that The Eagle wasn't all that great. I assumed whatever print survived didn't survive intact. The film looks shockingly blurry and I had trouble making out some scenes, especially when compared to the crisp presentation of Stachka or The Thief of Baghdad. Plus it's just plain boring. It's a story I've seen told a million times before. Maybe not in exactly the same way but twenty minutes in if I'm already muttering to myself "he get's the girl" and that's the only real tension you have then you might want to rethink your story. One could argue that it's about the journey not the destination that makes the movie good, and that's certainly why Thief of Baghdad worked for me despite having an equally predictable plot. But Thief also had a gorgeous set, fun music, breathtaking practical effects, and above all else Douglas Fairbanks, who is amazingly charismatic. Eagle has none of that: it's music is dull, although it's hard to tell since this is likely not its original soundtrack, it's sets are uninspiring vacillating between a forest and a big house, it has no real effects to speak of save for basic stunt work in a few horse scenes, and lastly while Valentino sure is nice to stare at he often feels like nothing more than a pretty face. He isn't bad by any means but he rarely surpasses adequacy. 

Even the genre feels plain. It's a film peppered with comedic moments but it falls short of being labeled a "comedy." It's a serious movie with comedic bits, not a comedy with serious bits. This normally would lend itself well to a light, low-stakes drama but in the case of Eagle just gives the sense that the movie didn't want to commit to either tone. That being said what few funny scenes there are are pretty damn enjoyable. I especially liked the seductive Czarina and the running gag that she keeps offering her officers generaliships as she eyes them up hungrily. Also a scene where Mascha finds Vladimir strangling her father and rushes to stop him only to be told that he was merely massaging his headache away is pretty great. Vladamir then continues to seemingly beat the shit out of Kyrilla much to his joy. The problem though is that as fun as these moments are they only serve to emphasize how much I wish there were more of them. The movie probably would have been best served if it went full on comedy, especially if it focused more on the Czarina who feels criminally underused. Sure there's the occasional nifty camera trick but at this point I'm running out of things to say. Ultimately: a painfully average piece that I'm sure I'll forget about in a week.